When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
