just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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