he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
