There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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