Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
