I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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