Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Randomize
