I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
