she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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