An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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