My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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