Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
