Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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