i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
