things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
