I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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