i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
where are my eyebrows?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
