You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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