it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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