When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
