So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
