I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
