it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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