gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
