I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
What drink are we having for lunch?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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