don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize