just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
