hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I licked your asshole in confidence.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
