I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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