Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
