I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
