you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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