sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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