Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
How's work?
Spinning.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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