Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
operation have a gay friend backfired
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Operation Purity has been aborted
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
