The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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