dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
