I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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