He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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