Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
