And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
