He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
