do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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