I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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