why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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