wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
