How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
