I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
