Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
