captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
