We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
