i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize