her vagine was all disorganized.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
