Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
