I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
