he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
