He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
