All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
