she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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