i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Enjoy the penises
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
