I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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