dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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