Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
She needs sedatives and a leash
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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