he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
