just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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