That's intense
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
