wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
