I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Randomize
