i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
