Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
