I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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