I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
